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Rhaps0d1c
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Name: Dayana
Country: Singapore
Birthday: 12/7/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: To preach about Dayana's philosophy...
Expertise: Terrorize Farah...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/21/2003
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| It's been a while since I've blog. And somehow Xanga changed a lot. Makes me feel outdated.
I've been busy. With work. With life. With trying to clear my debts.
Nadirah asked me what I am doing with my life. Right now, my main focus is to stabilise myself financially. Well I am not as lucky as her. She gets to do what she wants. Be in a relationship that is strong. Bla bla bla. All those jazz. Yeah I'm happy for her. And I am currently contented with my life.
I am suppose to get drunk this Saturday because Dawrui is having a CNY house party. I don't feel like getting drunk. In fact, I haven't been drinking for quite some time. And smoking too. Somehow, I feel mellowed nowadays. I guess it is a good thing. I hope. Anyway, Dawrui is pretty much set on getting me wasted. He even allow me to sleep over. Hahaha. I can trust Dawrui not to take advantage of me. He, Khamal and Fadhil. But then again, Khamal is my bf and Fadhil is gay.
Now to think of it, it's been a while since me and Khamal had a drink together. Yeah, it's been a while since any of us have an outing where we go crazy and have the time of our life. I am not sure maybe because me being mellow or its just that now we see and talk with each other so often that we are jaded. But is it ok to be jaded in a relationship? I mean we've only been together for almost 6 months and it feels like forever. I know him. I can predict his reaction. What he is going to say about certain things. His flaws. And he knows me too. Prob the only guy that I've been with who knows me well enough to understand why I do things a certain way and all those jazz. I lost track of my thoughts. My attention span is horrible today.
Anyway, Nadirah is always telling me not to expect too much out of somebody. That was my mistake in the past. I expected something out of my previous relationship only to find out it is not going to meet my standard. So now here I am in a brand new relationship with my own good friend and I don't want to screw it up. Not like as if I haven't screw it up dating your own best friend. A word of advice: Think bloody hard before you want to get jiggy with your best friend. Anyway back to my point, so new relationship, I decided to take Nadirah's advice and not expect anything. And so far it went well. I mean typical idiotic moments but no major dissapointment. Except for the time where we had this huge fight cause both of us just don't know where to draw the line when it comes to being frank with each other Maybe its because I know Khamal. Long enough for me to be immune to his idiotic antics. So here we are. Almost 6 months and still happy with each other. Both of us expecting one of us to screw up, fail and end up in some stranger's bedroom. But nope. Surprisingly. And here I am wondering if it is about time I start believing that we love each other and it is going to work out.
I am rambling again. I am addicted to Starbuck's Coffee Frappucino. It is bloody sinful. Somehow I haven't been jogging lately. I have yet to get my laptop back. I have yet to get Danial's his bday prezzie. My brother is now 9-yrs old. He's growing up. Very fast. He is no longer the baby brother. He doesn't hug me in public. He's all cool now. Or trying to be. I miss him. I do see him on the weekends but it feels like I miss out a lot on his life. I just miss him a lot sometimes. At least nowadays, it doesn't hurt that much everytime I do something fun and wished how my brother can be enjoying it with me. The guilt somehow passes away. But its still here. Enough for me to not forget him.
Ok I am going back to my work.
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| I've got an anonymous message on facebook implying that I have not moved on despite my new life.
Yeah sure okay.
I am happy now. Despite whatever people think. I mean I know some of my friends wondering why in the world am I with Khamal. And why I won't move back with my mum even though it is killing me.
Even though half of my pay goes to my rent, I am happy. Even though I get rather lonely on holidays, I am still happy. To know that I can stand on my own two feet and support my own self (even though it is a struggle) at the age of 22 is something that I am proud of. Well, I didn't entirely go through all of this by myself. I have really great friends.
Great friends and great boyfriend. He is not exactly the greatest but you know what I mean. We can tolerate each other. We do compromise. He knows something is wrong when I go quiet. He knows when to back off and when to approach. We have a great level of understanding of each other. You can ask me why I am with him and I'll tell you that I don't really know. Its not that I am just entering this blindly. I am opening my eyes widely. I know the consequences. But it is nice to finally be with someone who knows you well enough.
Comfort zone.
I miss Dawrui.
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| I shouldn't think too much. Think about the good times.
I met a guy on facebook who offered to pick me up from Singapore and bring me to KL. He is paying for my fare. Oh and he's cute. Honestly, I wouldn't mind. I really need a holiday. But to let a stranger pay for a flight ticket is quite weird.
Khamal thinks I should go. It is quite weird coming from him. I mean he actually doesn't mind me flying off with some guy I just met. But then again, he expects me to allow him to do the same thing. Which led me to the question about the guilt free pass. He said that I'm free to use the pass as and when I like it. Though he didn't mention anything about it being guilt free. So am I suppose to be ok with him utilizing his pass just because he gives me to green light? I dunno...
Go with the flow.
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| "Dinner?"
"Movie?"
"Why?"
"Cause I want to."
Somehow, conversation between Dawrui and I has been reduced to a one liner.
I miss that dude. Somehow, he'll be going away for another operation for one whole month starting from tomorrow. Just the day before my birthday.
It does sucks. He is not going be around. And so is Khamal. Thank god for Nadirah.
I still have no idea how I am going to be celebrating my birthday. But I know it will be with Nadirah and Harlie. I guess it'll be a fun girls' night out.
I'm hungry and nobody is free for dinner.
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| It's been a while since I've updated this blog.
Not much has happen.
Same old. Same old shit.
My nose is giving me problems again.
Had a talk with Khamal last night. Same old conversation. How do you feel about me?
Honestly, it is harder than I thought it'd be. I thought it'll be easy making the jump from being friends to being together. I mean he is one of my good friend. A guy that I can talk or do anything with. A guy that I find when shit hits the fan. Communication was never a problem. Can safely say we are open with each other. But that is not the case now. Even though we still are able to communicate fine, there are things that we do keep from each other. Mostly stuffs that involve emotions. The wall suddenly lands and there is this new wall and both of don't really know how to go about it. I am scared. I mean if this screws up, I lose him. The guy who is one of my support pillar. I guess maybe he is scared too.
Do I love him?
I do. That I won't deny. But whether this love is platonic or more than that. He asked me that question yesterday. I didn't know how to answer him. He knows I love him as a friend. But he wants to know if it is more than that. I myself would like to know if it more than just platonic love. How do you tell? I dunno. I've always adored him. Have always find joy in his company and presence. Now that we're together, it still didn't change things. I still adore him and still look forward to meeting him. Except that now, I can cuddle up to him and kiss him. So the question still haunts. I mean will I ever know the difference. Or is there no difference between platonic love and romance love? That its all the same at the end of the day. I'll never know.
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